I Can't Believe I'm Admitting This...

   So, as many of you know, I spent about 2.5 years living in a little town in western Minnesota while working as a law clerk for the two coolest judges imaginable.  Being the self-proclaimed city girl that I am, I spent a good chunk of that time irritated and uncomfortable because rural life just doesn't work for me.  I need a Target within a 10 mile radius.  I need there to be more than 2 stop-lights in my town.  I need to go to the grocery store and not run into 3 people that I know.  Driving to Alexandria from Morris just to shop is unacceptable.  I escaped nearly every weekend to the Twin Cities, and I couldn't wait to escape the small-town feel of it all.  Then finally, the day came when I was offered a job back in the metropolitan mecca I'd been lusting after for nearly three years.  I moved back to St. Paul, and thought I'd never look back.  Until today.

   Last night I had a very vivid dream that I moved back to Morris.  To my old apartment.  And I was ECSTATIC about it.  I remember thinking the move was so easy because I knew exactly where to put all my furniture.  I even remember planning out how I was going to surprise my Morris friends with the news that I had returned.  What.  The.  Fork.  This is not me.


   My apartment in Morris was certainly not the newest or most desirable living situation, but I made the place my own, and actually grew to like my surroundings (despite my creepy neighbor...).  It was quiet and it was cute, and I was actually proud of the home I'd made there.  I had some great times in that apartment, and met some of my closest friends there.  Its no wonder that now I dream about it and remember it with happy memories.  So, as evidenced by this blog post, my dream got me to thinking today.  And thinking led to realization.  I realized that I actually *gasp* LIKED living in Morris.  And that I actually *DOUBLE GASP* miss it.  Yeah.  You read that correctly.

   Now I'm not saying that I am going to run out and move back.  I have a great living situation right now with an awesome roommate, and I have a new job that I like, and I am working toward a(nother) graduate degree, so things are going pretty well right now.  But I just can't help but wonder what it would have been like had I stayed...  It was chatting with a good Morris friend this evening that kind-of brought out this nostalgic moment.  To my ladies from Morris, I just want you to know that I love you all, and you made my time living in your town more amazing than I ever could have expected.  I really want to make it a point to come back and visit a bit more often, and partake in the exotic wonders that are rural Minnesota life... freezing cold holiday parades, bar hopping in Lisa's camper, wrangling feral cats, duck farts, kissing random Coborn's cashiers (You know who you are, M), and having sidewalk parties in front of my apartment at 3am. 

   So really, this little epiphany has made me learn something about myself.  I've realized that I tend to yearn for the future, and don't focus on the awesome things I have in front of me right now.  Had I changed this attitude during my time in Morris, I could have saved myself so much frustration.  I had it good there.  I had a good job, amazing friends, and I earned quite a few ridiculous stories along the way.  So here's to focusing on the present, and learning to enjoy what I've got.  And to all you Morris-ites out there, I miss you and we need to plan a Morris-extravaganza soon.

I am not dead yet...

Holy absence, Batman.  Yes, I realize I haven't posted since freaking JANUARY.  But full-time work + crazy idea to go to grad school in my "spare time" kind of monopolizes my attention...   Anywho, I am still alive, and I am going to try (try =/= promise) to do a bit more posting here.  So the topic of today is... drum roll please...customer service.

Tonight, I went to an eating establishment that serves primarily pasta dishes in a fast-food manner (I'll let you come to your own conclusions regarding what that establishment is).  I ordered a lovely pesto dish with grilled chicken on top (to-go).  I was handed my much-anticipated dinner in a brown paper bag, but something -- call it a sixth sense -- told me to double check my bag to ensure that the establishment's fine staff properly fulfilled my order.  Much to my chagrin, as I opened the nice warm bag and peeked inside, my dinner was sadly poultry free.

Not to be foiled by the lack of fowl in my pasta, I marched back up to the counter with the intention of politely pointing out the mistake and asking for my damn chicken.  So there I stood.  And waited.  And waited.  And WAITED.  NO ONE behind that counter was willing to make eye-contact with me.  Even the malnourished 16 year old Bieber-haircut ignored my scathing gaze as he walked right past me.  Not any acknowledgment from anyone of my presence.  Really??  

FINALLY, the girl who took my initial order (not 5 minutes earlier) deigned to look at me and inquire about my prolonged presence.  "This was supposed to have chicken", I said.  And with a completely blank stare she asks, "grilled or crusted?".  YOU TOOK MY ORDER 5 MINUTES AGO.  This isn't rocket science.  Sigh.  I don't expect the fast-food staff to quote Chaucer or vomit out physics equations, but you can't remember my chicken??  Sigh.  I weep for the future.

Perhaps I am being too hard on these employees.  Perhaps I know nothing of the rigors of the restaurant biz.  But what really grinds my gears is the intentional and calculated ignorance of my presence as a customer that requires someone's prompt attention.  People make mistakes.  I get that, but DON'T IGNORE ME.  No one puts Megan in a corner. Or at least standing like an idiot next to the noodle counter.  Next time I'll take the bottles of Siracha and start squirting the employees who ignore me.  This will only burn for a second...

Yessss.... a New Year. FINALLY.

   Happy 2012, world!  After having rung in the new year like the old person that I am, with a few appetizers and some "Planet Earth" with a good friend, and then in bed (by myself, don't be gross) before midnight, I have to say that I am probably one of the happiest people on the planet to see 2011 go.  I won't go into a ton of painful detail, but I think I can honestly say that 2011 will go down in my history book as pretty much my worst year to date.  Riddled with a death in the family, significant personal drama that pretty much destroyed me, and a host of other crap-tastic events, I am very happy to see that as of today, a new year has begun and I can start fresh and hope for a better year ahead.  And, let's face it, it won't take much for 2012 to be an improvement on 2011.

   So with this background in mind, I am not going to list off resolutions or anything (mostly because I think resolutions are largely forgotten and swept under the carpet by about January 24 anyway).  But I am going to be a bit corny and sentimental (which I know is a little out of character for this blog, so you'll just have to deal) and talk about the things for which I am grateful and for which I am looking forward to in the coming year.  So, Ninnymuggins, quit gagging over there and embrace the mushiness...

   First, I am eternally grateful for the love and support of my family and friends (most of whom I consider family anyway).  Without them, I am sure that I would not have survived 2011 and all of its atrocities.  I think that I would likely be just a pathetic mass of carbon-based material sitting in the corner of her apartment, rocking back and forth and chewing on her hair.  So thank you to everyone who helped make sure that I was still breathing and surviving when I needed that help.

   Next, I can honestly say that I am pretty stoked about going back to school in a couple of weeks!  When I graduated from law school, I vowed to NEVER AGAIN enter into an academic institution for the purposes of learning.  I was convinced that I was done with the whole world of universities, and since graduation caps look RIDICULOUS on me, I would never don one again.  Well, guess not.  I have finally figured out that I don't want to be a lawyer when I grow up (nice realization after having attended LAW SCHOOL, right?)  But that law degree will not have been earned in vain as I have discovered that instead, I want to be a law librarian when I grow up.  Seriously.  At age 29, I feel that I finally have the right answer to that irritating question of what one wants to become.  However, this does involve (you guessed it) MORE SCHOOL.  Although now that the pain, humiliation, and eviscerated self-esteem from law school have mostly healed, the idea of heading back to academia seems fun and exciting again.  My textbooks for spring semester came from Amazon the other day and I just about squeaked with excitement.  Long story short, I'm going back to school and I'm proud of it.  Bring on the homework.  Let the dorkiness prevail.

   2012 is also about bringing back something that I lost over the course of this past year.  I am regaining control of my own life.  In 2011 I lost control over just about everything.  My finances, my health, my self-esteem, and my relationships.  It is amazing the havoc that one individual can wreak on a girl's life.  But now that the destructive catalyst has been removed, I am taking my life back.  Period.  In every respect.

   Finally, I am just grateful to have found myself again.  I didn't recognize the person I had become in 2011.  She was not the girl I was raised to be and certainly not the girl that I wanted to be, but yet she crept in and took over anyway.  She was definitely a dumb girl that wouldn't stand up for herself, and couldn't recognize bad things and warning signs around her.  But through the help of the above-mentioned family and friends, I do believe that girl has left the building, and I have returned to myself.  It took seeing one of my best friends for the first time in more than a year to shake me out of my stupor, and (figuratively) slap me around a bit to get me to wake up.  To this friend, you know who you are, thank you for saving me from drowning.

   So enough of this serious, mushy crap.  Bottom line is that I am excited to be rid of 2011 and for the fresh start that 2012 is bringing.  This year will be an amazing year and I am excited for its possibilities.  2012 is the year that I will begin my Master's program, the year that I turn 30 (and have a huge party to celebrate), the year that I reach certain health goals, and the year that I re-find and re-become myself again.  Happy new year!!