Nostrils DO serve a purpose.

   I have a cold.  Not the world's most earth shattering news, and certainly not the first cold I've had, but crap-tastic nonetheless.  But I have discovered that there are four stages of having a cold that I inevitably go through over the course of its virulent effects. 

   First, there is denial.  "No, this naggy sore throat is nothing, I'm not getting sick!".  "I'm only coughing because I have a tickle in my throat... the cat slept on my head last night and its just remnant cat hair in my lungs, I'm not getting sick!".  "My nose is only runny because it's cold outside, I'm not getting sick!".  During this phase I will proceed about my day as if nothing is wrong.  Would I ordinarily take the garbage out without a coat on when it is 5 degrees outside?  Yes!  Therefore I can do it now too!  I am invincible!!

   Second, there is realization.  This usually happens the morning after the second day of denial when you wake up with cement in your head and a pile of Kleenexes on the table next to your bed.  "I CAN'T BREATHE THROUGH MY NOSE.  I might be getting sick".  "I can only breathe through my right nostril... I might be getting sick".  "Now I can only breathe through my left nostril... I might be getting sick".  The moment of joy that you experience during this phase when one nostril clears is immediately dampened when your realize that your other previously-operational nostril is now closed for business.  I was created with two nostrils for a reason.  It is unacceptable when one or both of them are not fully-functional.

   Third, there is anger.  "Why am I sick??  What germ infested plague-ridden surface did I come into contact with that infected me with horse flu (or whatever is this year's version of animal-origin death)??".  "I used my mango and orange flavored hand sanitizer religiously, how could this happen!"  "This is a travesty!".  "I don't have time to be sick!  I have a bazillion and ten things to accomplish this week and laying in bed draining snot is not one of them!!".

   Finally, there is acceptance.  In this stage, you consider what it is worth to go into work, and then (if you're me), the guilt of taking a sick day overcomes the desire to lay on the couch with a blanket and a movie and you go in anyway, armed with Dayquil, Kleenex and cough drops.  At this moment you strongly consider purchasing stock in the Kleenex Corporation.  However, the blessed angel robed in red that is always at your side during these bouts with viral plague will save you from your suffering come bedtime.  She is called "Nyquil" and she makes all the bad-ness disappear...  Behold:

  Can you hear the angels singing and the heavens rejoicing??  Because I sure can.  Isn't she glorious?  However, Nyquil can be a tricky mistress and you must be sure to select the lovely cherry flavored bottle lest you grab the horrible green bottle.  The green version of Nyquil can only be described as Hiroshima in a bottle.  I would gladly suffer the perils of my cold than drink that verdigris tinted toxin.

   I am currently in the acceptance phase of this cold and will therefore partake of the lovely Red-lady's potion later tonight.  In the meantime, her not-as-awesome-but-still-kinda-awesome orange cousin's elixir will suffice (Dayquil).  Pass the Kleenex.